I was one of those people growing up, who never thought that my circumstances and life could change drastically within an ENTIRE year.
God is so in control of my life that it’s ridiculous for me to even try to plan anything or take control anymore. I’m at a crossroads honestly. When you don’t have an income coming in consistently, it will humble you. Situations like this make you realize that your life isn’t your own. I have no choice but to sit back and submit everything to him to plan my life. If I’m honest, it’s hard every time. It’s hard to just submit myself and believe and trust that things will work out. Even at my lowest, when I cant muster up the strength, I just had to believe hard that it was all a part of his plan. It’s probably a good thing that he reassures us in Jeremiah 29:11.
” For I know the plans I have for you.” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11 NLT Version
I’m such a control freak , and for me to not have a hand in what was going on next in my life, gave me such anxiety. I left my job, thankfully had enough savings in my account to help for a little while, but everything was still new. It’s crazy to think that this was late May and now we are closing out this year.
I’m not even the same person I was when I started the year of 2019 in the beginning. I’ve been through so many life changes, that I’m grateful to still be alive and still have Gods peace and clarity of mind.
I’ve dealt with health challenges, not being motivated with my life, becoming a caretaker, going after dreams I thought God was pointing me towards, resigning from my job, and growing with friendships/relationships.
But yet, so much joy has come in this year as well that has helped shaped me into who I never imagined myself to be. It’s because of these experiences that I’ve grown so much, that I hardly recognize myself from 2009. I hardly recognize the person I was from a month ago, and that’s a great feeling. To know of God’s amazing love and renewing of my thoughts, patterns, and actions, and how fast and slow he can transform someone like me is just a testament to who he is. He’s given me the “hands off” approach to life. This approach is my mantra to surviving life. To let him take the lead, I need to not try to control it and just leave it in his hands to navigate.
So many things have come as a result of me just leaving it all at his feet. I’ve grown a bigger appreciation for self-care. Since grinding hard with working and adulting , I’ve realized how much I have neglected my upkeep, just being on the go. I’ve started back regimens for my hair and body , really prioritizing myself when I can. I’ve even been able to watch television shows I enjoy again!
This has also given me the opportunity to take are of my health and taking it more seriously. The health journey of trying more plant based and vegan foods has increased and I’ve been able to focus more time on that. I’ve launched a blog site (Welcome Tribe!), helped others realize their dreams through goal planning, and finally received MY LICENSE!
My character has been strengthened and renewed during this process too. I’ve relinquished my plans and trust back to the father, and he is helping me understand this season in particular for my life and what it means. It’s hard no doubt, but I’m hanging in there to trust him.
I’m just grateful. This has been one of the hardest years by far for myself, especially with everything crashing down at once, but it has also been one of the best years of my life. When you change the perspective that you set out about your life, God is able to restore it. God helps you to be able to obey!! (Psalm 51:12).
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.” – Psalm 51:12 NLT Version
The Key is not giving up and continuing!! Many days I cried about my life and the direction I was going. I didn’t know where I was headed because everything was taken from me: my job, my motivation, my passion. I felt like I was sinking. I was there for many people, giving advice being a shoulder when people needed to express their pain and frustration, yet I was suffering.
I had the support of close friends and my immediate family, but sometimes it didn’t feel like enough. Sometimes, I admit I questioned God as to why me? Why does my life have to be this way? What was I doing so wrong, that things just couldn’t work out and everything had to crumble right in front of me?
He answered me and gave me the perspective that it may seem like it’s all crumbling in front of my own eyes because it’s what I planned for my life. All of my plans were crumbling because they were just that, MY PLANS. These plans were not his plans for my life. Once I surrendered completely the direction of my life to him, focused on what I needed to do next, and just trusted him, it all just fell into place slowly.
No, it was not easy to just relinquish plans to God, especially my plans, that were so well thought out and calculated. The more time I had available, he was able to sit me aside and actually talk to me, and I actually had the time to hear him clearly. The noise of the world wasn’t there to distract me and run me off course. Now I’m here able to type these words out to all of you, and you guys are able to be on this journey with me.
God is so faithful. He’s not just faithful because he got me out of this rut, but because he was able to use this situation although painful, to be impactful in my life. He used this to teach me to depend on him and to fully allow him take control.
I just want to encourage you guys to never give up on God. I was hit rock bottom with problems where there was no looking up. I had no foundation to build upon. I was out for the total and complete count. There was no plan B, no second options available for me. My life interrupted and stopped, and I had to hear God for myself. Listen to God please for the direction in your life, know that you cannot do this on your own. I don’t care how calculated you may think you are; his ways and thoughts are not like yours. He has a master plan for your life if only you will submit it to him.
My beginning of the year isn’t the same as how last year is ending and I’m EXTREMELY GRATEFUL for that!